Friday, October 22, 2021

Perry had a lump in her throat

Perry had a lump in her throat.

 Not the kind of lump that comes from deep emotion, but the kind that comes from cancer.

We thought that she had an infection and treated her with antibiotics, but the lump wouldn't go away.

She couldn't eat because she had a lump in her throat.

We watched her get thinner and thinner, and then realized the lump in her throat was getting bigger and bigger.

We made one of the hardest decisions that any pet owner has to make. 

We called our only child to let him know, and he said goodbye to his dog over Zoom.

We held Perry in her final moments.

As the poison took over her small body we told the vet about the five small animals that Perry bested: two groundhogs, a rabbit, a squirrel, and a possum.

We also told her about the five skunks that bested Perry.

As Perry was taking her last breaths we recited to her the names of all those who loved her: Ashley and Gee, Courtney and Warren, Alicia, Sullivan, Sam, and others. 

We posted our memorial on Facebook, and were touched to see that some of the others who loved her posted theirs as well.

And we were left with lumps in our throats.


Perry La Perra (2009-2021)



Sunday, May 9, 2021

Many of My Mothers

I first posted this on Mother's Day, May 14, 2017; I am adding a few thoughts for 2021 below.

Grateful for all the mothers who have been in my life. 

(Oops -- this ended up being a bit long and a bit sentimental.)

Because people have married young and lived long in my family, I have known many, starting with three great-grandmothers:

Valerie Myrtle Mulligan Sledge [my father's mother's mother] had the best name; I was young when she died, but I do remember her as feisty.

Lydia Holcombe [my mother's mother's mother] lived the longest -- born in 1885 and living until I was through college and almost married. Her children and their children and their children learned about hard work and simple living. I remember her porch, which faced Cold Mountain. And I remember when she got indoor plumbing.

Thelma Joyce Bohanan [my father's father's mother] was a lifelong learner who taught me a love of words -- especially crossword puzzles -- and history. She put her high-school Latin to use on a regular basis.

Sarah Pearl Shreve [my mother's mother] was known as Pearl, but had formally changed her first name to Sarah because she thought Sally was a silly name. Losing her during elementary school was my first real grief. She was a consummate gardener with a small commercial nursery. I never see an azalea without thinking of her -- we had every known variety at our house, from her stock. (2021 addendum: I should have mentioned that she was also an educator, though I do not know for how long. After attending Mars Hill Normal School for three years, she returned to teach in a one-room schoolhouse near her home in the Smoky Mountains. All I remember learning of this was that some of the boys were bigger than she was and did not wear shoes to school. During my third year of college, the same could almost be said of her grandson.)

Esther Jeannette Bohanan [my father's mother] was the grandmother I knew best, and this (2017) is my first Mother's Day without her. I am grateful that about a decade ago, I stayed with her rather than at a hotel when I had a meeting in DC. Every evening we would have a simple dinner and then talk -- mostly politics -- until our eyes could not stay open. I do not remember her reading much when I was a kid, but later in life she read a lot -- I remember seeing JK Rowling, Michael Moore, and the Washington Post regularly, and going to a Harry Potter movie with her.

I was also lucky to have known a grandmother-in-law for about the first decade of my marriage. Like my own great-grandmother, Izzy was feisty and had a terrific name: Isabella Beanblossom Lauerman [my wife's mother's mother] was never shy about her opinions, and was often witty. She refused to die until the end of her birthday, when she knew the last flowers and cards had arrived.

My own mother Jackie Bohanan is thoughtful, devoted, and proud of her small brood -- always doing whatsoever she could for all of us. From her my brother Bob and I both I learned a love of cooking. 

And I have a mother-in-law who has been nothing but a joy to know -- including me as a son from the very beginning. Judy Helbing has always treated our dogs as her own as well!

And that brings me to the best of all -- Pamela Hayes-Bohanan, the love of my life who has learned motherhood alongside me as I learn fatherhood. I could not imagine a better partner in parenting.

Mother's Day 2021 Memoriams


This mother's day -- coincidentally also our 34th wedding anniversary -- is the first without my mother, who died last July 24. My post about the music she loved is my best memorial. 

It was a very difficult summer, losing not only her but three additional mother figures I did not include above. Our daughter-in-law lost both her mother Betty and her grandmother during the summer. We had met these beautiful women only once, at Thanksgiving 2019, and had been looking forward to spending more time with them.

We also lost our dear friend Jackie Smith-Miller, the mother of a close friend of ours who included our family in her family's Easter dinners just about every year since we moved to Bridgewater. We enjoyed her wit and wisdom both at those holiday gatherings and in many other connections throughout the past two decades. We miss her greatly. 

Jackie's Playlist

When I was growing up, I thought we were somehow related to the Carter Family on my mother's side. Her mother had come from a huge family in western North Carolina, with the Great Smoky Mountains in the backyard. As we would ride around back roads in what was then rural northern Virginia, we would listen to an endless stream of real country music on the AM radio of her 1965 Ford. In general, the older the music and the closer to the Carter Family, the more important she considered it.

These memories flooded back to me as our family made arrangements for my mother, who passed away on July 24, 2020. She actually participated in the planning, mostly by choosing the music.

If you want to know something about my late mother, listen to my version of Jackie's Playlist in its entirety. It includes all of the songs she requested to accompany her viewing. On YouTube, I found that many of her favorites were performed by quite a few different musicians, with June Carter's husband Johnny Cash being a common denominator among many of them. On this playlist, I managed to include a version by the artist she specified, if not the exact rendition.

We were fortunate to be able to hold a funeral service for my mom -- many people lost loved ones in 2020 without that important opportunity. As with most funerals, not everyone who wished to remember her could be present. Because we knew this number might be higher than usual, including even some local friends and family, we were very glad that the funeral home arranged to stream the service. It is still available on the tribute page provided by the funeral home. (Mother's Day 2021 note: this is still posted.)